The Written Word

     Wow... I haven't written for a while!! But I guess I have a good excuse -- I've been busy nonstop since I last wrote. Life has a way of carrying me away sometimes... And sometimes it's really not pleasant. I'd wake up in the morning just as tired as I was when I went to bed, get everything done that day, and then look back on the day and think: "How come I feel like I haven't done anything today? I visited with a friend, spent time with family, read my scriptures... And yet I feel as though I am no farther along than I was before." I spent a week going through this cycle, and it stunk, let me tell you! Filling the day, and yet not filling the spirit is one way that really wears down my spirit. I have found that spending time on things like waiting to get an email, scrolling through facebook, or watching videos on youtube -- though sometimes just what I need for a quick pickup, more often just dull my life just a little bit more. I spend three hours babysitting the kids and making them a meal, and then get on the computer. Ten minutes later, I find that I don't feel any better, and it's time to move on to the next task.
     I was confused for a while -- this kind of rest is apparently satisfying to many people out there. And yet, although I was drawn to it with out a doubt, it was not in any way fulfilling. I have found this same feeling in other instances as well. One of them is when I hold a long text conversation with someone with whom I haven't conversed with face to face for a long time. During the text conversation, everything is relaxed, fun, and no problem. And yet, when I see them again, I feel as though it has still been forever since I have been exposed to their real self. This is the same with letters, emails, Facebook messages, etc. There seems to be something weird about having more contact through writing than through talking face to face. I couldn't figure this out for the longest time, and the wrongness of such relationships kept rubbing on me, making me feel raw and sensitive.
      The thing is, we are different when we write. I know that I don't talk the way I think. My words come out through a filter that past experience with society has taught me to hold in-between my mind and my mouth. But when I write, I am more able to illustrate what is going on in my head, as well as refine it and perfect it. Thus, when people read what I write, what they get to know as who I am is very much a part of me -- but at the same time, is not all of me. The way that I speak may be different from the way that I think, but it still is very much a part of me.
     Another reason why a relationship through writing is different, is that we process the words that we read with our head. We see the words, and if we forget what they said, then we can look again. We can analyze it, ponder it, memorize it, in such a way that is not usually done with the spoken word. When someone is conversing with me, I respond automatically -- not only with words of affirmation, such as "Yes," and "Uh-huh," but also nods, eye contact, smiles, etc. This is not done with the written word. We do not need to respond at once, and we also do not respond to their face.
     Is not this interesting? It is also interesting that the written word is so prominently used today. Emails, Texts, Chats, Messages... All of these are through writing. And yet, tell me which one is more appealing: A surprise visit from a friend who cares, or a surprise text from a person who cares? A deep conversation, or an email? A hug, or a like? A gift wrapped and delivered personally, or a gift card sent through the internet? For me, I would choose the former every time. But more and more often people use the written word seen with the eyes to communicate, rather than heard, seen and felt with the rest of the senses.
     I think this is what I was learning as I tried to depend on the internet to solve my problem of spiritual enlightenment and fulfillment. One day, I decided to go on a bike ride instead, and came back feeling absolutely amazing! Another time I went to the mall with some friends, and we had a marvelous time together. Another time I cleaned the house. Another time I went on a walk with my youngest siblings. The difference was immediate and amazing! Another example that I have found absolutely rejuvenating is Girl's Camp. During Girl's Camp, we spend all of our time working, talking, playing, and learning with girls who are there. There is no electronics providing quick communication with anyone in the world, only those around you. During this time the girls bond, strengthen their testimonies, and have their spirits filled to the very top. Youth Conference is very similar.

     Thoughts anyone? Why is the written word worse or better than spoken, physical communication? And why are compliments mean so much more when given to your face than when they're sent in a text?