Analysis of Self-Sufficiency

“Over the years, Americans in particular have been all too willing to squander their hard-earned independence and freedom for the illusion of feeling safe under someone else's authority. The concept of self-sufficiency has been undermined in value over a scant few generations. The vast majority of the population seems to look down their noses upon self-reliance as some quaint dusty relic, entertained only by the hyperparanoid or those hopelessly incapable of fitting into mainstream society.” 

― Cody Lundin

     Sarah sang the National Anthem as she washed the dishes piling towers all around her. She clearly enjoyed the Harmony, and sang it even though there was no-one there to sing the melody. With her hair pulled back in her ever-present ponytail, she worked determinedly at her new project she had taken for herself -- that is, cleaning the entire mess of a kitchen. Now, usually, we are pretty good at keeping the kitchen clear and sanitary, but at this point in time, the kitchen was an absolute disaster.
     For this very reason, Sarah would have thrown a fit if our mother were to assign her the task of cleaning the entire kitchen. Clearly, the task was much too great for a 10 year old. And yet, when she saw that mother was stressed out, and needed help, she took the project on quietly and happily, singing as she worked. It was obvious as she worked for several hours that nothing would distract her from her purpose -- she would get the kitchen clean, no matter the price.
     As I observed her dedication, so different from the circumstances in which she was told to accomplish a difficult project, I came to the realization that this was a trait that I owned as well. I love the feeling of seeing a need, and then filling it with out any outside influence to do so. Frequently, when I am home alone, I will begin to clean, and then never stop until the house is spotless. When the family returns from their various activities, the reaction of relaxation and relief is immediate, and I feel absolutely wonderful!!! However, If the family were to leave, and my mother were to tell me that I must complete so and so chore before she returns, I often grudgingly accomplish this and nothing else. I only reach her expectations and no higher. When it comes to this kind of circumstance, Sarah and I enjoy doing projects which we have set for ourselves, but are inclined to rebel when required to accomplish it at the will of another.
     However, as I have studied more about this natural inclination of ours, I have discovered that it is not only Sarah and I that struggle with it. And it is not necessarily a general weakness. As I have read about America's gradual separation from Great Britain, I discovered that this tendency seems to be a trait of human nature -- able to be a strength or a weakness as the user is -- or is not -- able to control it.
     When Great Britain established the many extensive taxes on products such as sugar, tea, and stamps, America cried out in anger at the injustice of it. However, it was not because of the the actual taxes that they were required to pay. Instead they cried out against the fact that they had had no voice in the matter. "Taxation without Representation" was their cry, not "Taxation without Limits." If America had been allowed to be a part of setting the taxes, there would be no injustice felt by the colonists, and all would be well. However, they felt that they had a right to have their opinions and voices be a big part in the decisions which would affect them personally, and that this right was not being respected.
     So it seems that this desire for self-sufficiency can be a force for good or for evil, just like all other traits of our human nature. To find the balance can be complicated and hard to maintain -- and thus easier to let loose and not worry about it. But to accomplish the balance between selfish immaturity and a drive to do great things is to become one step closer to achieving self-mastery -- and that is a fine trait indeed. One that I place great value by, as it gives one power to accomplish one's visions and dreams.

He who controls others may be powerful, but he who has mastered himself is mightier still. — Lao-tzu

The Written Word

     Wow... I haven't written for a while!! But I guess I have a good excuse -- I've been busy nonstop since I last wrote. Life has a way of carrying me away sometimes... And sometimes it's really not pleasant. I'd wake up in the morning just as tired as I was when I went to bed, get everything done that day, and then look back on the day and think: "How come I feel like I haven't done anything today? I visited with a friend, spent time with family, read my scriptures... And yet I feel as though I am no farther along than I was before." I spent a week going through this cycle, and it stunk, let me tell you! Filling the day, and yet not filling the spirit is one way that really wears down my spirit. I have found that spending time on things like waiting to get an email, scrolling through facebook, or watching videos on youtube -- though sometimes just what I need for a quick pickup, more often just dull my life just a little bit more. I spend three hours babysitting the kids and making them a meal, and then get on the computer. Ten minutes later, I find that I don't feel any better, and it's time to move on to the next task.
     I was confused for a while -- this kind of rest is apparently satisfying to many people out there. And yet, although I was drawn to it with out a doubt, it was not in any way fulfilling. I have found this same feeling in other instances as well. One of them is when I hold a long text conversation with someone with whom I haven't conversed with face to face for a long time. During the text conversation, everything is relaxed, fun, and no problem. And yet, when I see them again, I feel as though it has still been forever since I have been exposed to their real self. This is the same with letters, emails, Facebook messages, etc. There seems to be something weird about having more contact through writing than through talking face to face. I couldn't figure this out for the longest time, and the wrongness of such relationships kept rubbing on me, making me feel raw and sensitive.
      The thing is, we are different when we write. I know that I don't talk the way I think. My words come out through a filter that past experience with society has taught me to hold in-between my mind and my mouth. But when I write, I am more able to illustrate what is going on in my head, as well as refine it and perfect it. Thus, when people read what I write, what they get to know as who I am is very much a part of me -- but at the same time, is not all of me. The way that I speak may be different from the way that I think, but it still is very much a part of me.
     Another reason why a relationship through writing is different, is that we process the words that we read with our head. We see the words, and if we forget what they said, then we can look again. We can analyze it, ponder it, memorize it, in such a way that is not usually done with the spoken word. When someone is conversing with me, I respond automatically -- not only with words of affirmation, such as "Yes," and "Uh-huh," but also nods, eye contact, smiles, etc. This is not done with the written word. We do not need to respond at once, and we also do not respond to their face.
     Is not this interesting? It is also interesting that the written word is so prominently used today. Emails, Texts, Chats, Messages... All of these are through writing. And yet, tell me which one is more appealing: A surprise visit from a friend who cares, or a surprise text from a person who cares? A deep conversation, or an email? A hug, or a like? A gift wrapped and delivered personally, or a gift card sent through the internet? For me, I would choose the former every time. But more and more often people use the written word seen with the eyes to communicate, rather than heard, seen and felt with the rest of the senses.
     I think this is what I was learning as I tried to depend on the internet to solve my problem of spiritual enlightenment and fulfillment. One day, I decided to go on a bike ride instead, and came back feeling absolutely amazing! Another time I went to the mall with some friends, and we had a marvelous time together. Another time I cleaned the house. Another time I went on a walk with my youngest siblings. The difference was immediate and amazing! Another example that I have found absolutely rejuvenating is Girl's Camp. During Girl's Camp, we spend all of our time working, talking, playing, and learning with girls who are there. There is no electronics providing quick communication with anyone in the world, only those around you. During this time the girls bond, strengthen their testimonies, and have their spirits filled to the very top. Youth Conference is very similar.

     Thoughts anyone? Why is the written word worse or better than spoken, physical communication? And why are compliments mean so much more when given to your face than when they're sent in a text?